prodigal son
I am doing a report on the Parable of the Prodigal Son (which is due tomorrow) and I am struck by how wayward I can become sometimes. The sins that I commit are so far from the path that I try to walk that it fills me with grief after I commit them. I think it is interesting how that regret for committing a certain sin comes right after you commit it, prompting the need for prayer and asking for forgiveness. It's good to know that I have that solace, where I can go to and raise up my sins to.I had a dream last night that gave me some grief. I apologize for what I am about to do (I'm gonna pull out the vague card). In this dream I had a conversation with someone I love dearly. This person did not understand why or how much my love extended. * told me that there were many other people that I loved just as much, and at that moment, I broke down and said what I really want to say (not just in my dreams). I started to cry and tell this person that I loved them so much, and if this person actually talked to me, they would know. For some, it will be too easy to understand who this person is, and in a sense I am ashamed of what I said. Why? Well, because what I said in the dream is true, but in reality I have been trying to move away from this fact, to live without this person so close to me. Is it wrong for me to dwell on this, even though I have been trying to move steadily away?-luke
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The past week or so since I have not blogged has been weird daze in which I have found little peace. I found it easier not to blog about it, because I hate being pestered about my posts being vague and I had little or no time to blog. That being said, I am hoping to get back into blogging at a regular basis, but if you want to criticize what I say on here, tell me in person.
Now to why I have been in a daze. The simple answer would be that I don't feel like my life is going anywhere at the moment. I look at other people's lives and I feel envy and regret. Envy because I don't have near what they have and regret that my life isn't going quite that well. I want so much to have a girl that I care for and who cares for me, I want a job where I could excel at and have fun doing it at the same time, I want to live on my own, I want to be done with school, I want to be a part of the church, I want to live my life to its fullest. So many wants, and I have none of them. I know that if I had even one or two of those things, that my life wouldn't be any easier or better, but everytime I see someone who has these things or will have them sooner than I will, I get angry and feel insecure about myself.
I need some guidance and prayer for my life, so I ask those of you who read this to pray for me, and to help me in any way possible.
-brodie
my eyes look tired
Or at least they did this morning. The result of my tired eyes was the amount of sleep I had last night. I probably woke up about 7 or more times. I don't know what that is a result of, but I think it could be couple of things: 1.) Stress 2.) Anxiety 3.) Fear. I talk about the reason I think it might be stress in this post. School has been kinda stressful for me. It's not difficult, but I feel like I am living in a state of repeated motion. Go to school, come home, do homework, call up friends, do stuff, go to bed (if you say it in a robot voice, it even sounds repeated and stressful). Everyday life may be normal, but sometimes I feel it to be obtrusive. I need some change in my life.-luke
Thinking
I've been thinking alot lately. I know....people all over the world think all the time, but I am talking about the fact that I have been thinking about my life. The ups and the downs, and all the in-betweens. Things have been going only so-so for me at this point in time, and I can't seem to find my way out of this rut. Hopefully soon I will be able to find my way out of the difficulties I am having and be able to lead the life that I want to.
(On a side note, I know that I am being vague.....Mike....but that is what blogs are for)
-luke
patience and kindness
Patience is a quality I lack. Simply put, I am one who earnestly wants to move through life with ease, and without being hindered. There are many things that hinder me from moving through life though. Kindness is a quality that I am trying to display in everything I do. Take tonight for example. When I am around people that say something mean or degrading (it doesn't have to be about me) I get mad, but I try not to let it get to me. I want to lash out at people for what they do or say, but I either lack the courage or the willpower that I deem neccessary to put a person in their place. Call me weak, but I won't balk. I'd rather turn the other cheek than give into what someone says or does. Along the same lines, but a little different, I feel alone. I know that some of my friends go through similar situations with others. Sometimes I feel shut out, and my only way to express that shutting out is to pray. I pray that God would give me comfort, especially in a time like this, when I feel like it's me against the world. Then, and only then, do I feel at peace with what lies beyond my door. Everyday, when I step outside, I have to fight the same battles and face the same people. It's tearing me down, but I need to keep fighting the ever-growing battles I face with people. Peace and kindness are two characteristics I definately lack in, but prayer is something that helps me. Friends are also another thing that bring me back to the reality of living a Christian life. If I should be moulding (british for molding) my life to being more intuned to Christ's lifestyle, then I shouldn't go halfway. A big problem for me is I keep telling myself that I can change later, and keep doing the stuff I want now. That is living a lie, and I don't want to be living a lie. I want to grow, and I want to be surrounded by those who encourage me to do so. So, I will be giving up on some stuff. Some may not see it at first, but it will be there. One thing I will not give up on is my striving for a better life. There are so many areas to work on, and before I die (which i hope will not be for some time) I will still have many things that I need to work on. God has certainly given me a gift, and my life is that one shot to serve Him in everything.-luke
