tired
I had a good amount of sleep last night, but I am feeling tired in a different way. I wish something earth-shattering would happen (that involved me) so I could become a hero, or something like that. On the same point, if I were a super-hero, my special power would be invisibility and slowing down time. I would definately rock the socks off any villain that came my way.-luke
4 hours to go
It's fun to stay up late/early. This is the second time I have done it this week, and my body has become more accustomed this time around. I'm listening to a song called "Aruarian Dance" and I feel pretty good. As time passes between my post, (specifically this one and the last one) I feel more at ease with what lies ahead. "What lies ahead?" I don't know....and I don't really care....at least not for the moment.
Las estrellas canta a mi mienta. Un cancion que es dulce y pacifico. Nada puede penetrar este pensamiento que demorarse.
-lucas
life is full of unanswered questions
All of which I want to know. I want to hear all of the truths behind the cockeyed explanations I receive. Where is the harm in that? Knowing the truth? I wish life were that way....being able to see through the vapid answers that I get at times. How can someone be content with that? Of course, how can I focus on this whole point I am trying to make when I am listening to a good song (IH)?
-luke
clarification
Last night I talked about living under a rock, and now I am going to explain why I said that. In a sense, I want to get away. I want to leave everything past experience that I have gone through behind. I wish that I could start over from ground zero and rework the wrongs that I have done, the mess-ups that I have caused. I can't do any of that. All I can do is to work harder at not trying to do things where I would not regret later. It's going to happen again though.-luke
looking up or falling down?
Often a question I ask myself. The way I look at things, I think that things are looking up for me. There are times when I feel like I am falling down though. This has to do with all areas of my life. Sometimes I feel like crawling up under a rock and staying there, but I have school tomorrow, so I will have to wait on that till the weekend.-luke
*yawn*
Boy, am I tired! I stayed up till about 7 o'clock, then took a short nap till 8:15, giving me just enough "umph" to get out the door and drive to class. I really don't feel like drawing, because I feel too tired and weak to precisely and intricately draw something that I ain't gonna ever use. I am yawning constantly, which is making me more tired and drawing attention to the fact that I am tired. I wish my teacher or one of my classmates would do something funny right about now. Now, I know that the world does not revolve around Luke, but it would definately make this class more interesting. When you are tired, you think about and even do the weirdest things. Take last night for example. After doing some homework, I spent my time looking up words to a japanese song, downloading japanese songs, drinking coffee (that's sooooo weird), re-designing my blog, looking for t-shirts, checking my email constantly (as if I would get an email that early in the morning), and (of course) thinking about life. Ok, I guess that is what I normally do, but it just seemed weird. I have to find a hobby or something. -Luke
...miles to go before i sleep...
is how a famous Robert Frost poem goes. In my case, it's hours. It's around 4:30 am and I have been up since yesterday morning (before worship). I have a little bit of homework to do, but I would rather spend the quiet hours of the morning reading through books and writing papers, while drinking coffee. Anywhoo, I am looking forward to some Korean food today (if it's open) and some classes (later on today). I'm trying to think of things to say, but I am unhinged (as far as thinking goes). I will see some of you guys later on today.-luke
feeling poetic
I found a cool poem today. Makes me laugh (har har).Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically - to those who hardly think about us in return.~T.H. White~How bout that?-luke
torn
I hate this feeling. It's been growing for quite awhile now, and I have been confused as to what to do with it. My paths are right before me now, and I realize that. What lies ahead though is pain. That, I am sure of.-luke
good night
I had a good time last night, but there were a few things that brought it down to such a level to where I was looking forward to the silence of sleep. I'm so tired of playing this game, of being that one guy. Do you know how bad I feel everytime this happens (that is a rhetorical question)? All I can ask is why. -luke
very brief hiatus
I took a brief hiatus from writing on my blog (so did JJ...heh), but I am back and ready to write about things that the loyal followers will read with interest. Here are a few things that I have been doing the last few days (none of which are in order).
Lost
I read on some spoilers today about the upcoming episodes of Lost, and one of the episodes was about Sun, the Korean woman. It said that she "comes out of the closet". Now there is only one thing I can think of when a line like that is written. Does that mean that she is gay? Of course, that may have been an episode we already watched, and they used "coming out of the closet" as her speaking in English for the first time. She is married to the Korean guy, so I am beginning to wonder. Also, in tonight's episode....TWO PEOPLE DIE!!! I think that they will probably kill off Tom Cruise's brother, which is good, because he deserves to die (especially after a sub-par acting job in The Grudge).
Valentine's Day
I am not one to celebrate Valentine's Day. It doesn't really seem like a big deal for me. I do like chocolates though (hint, hint). I did spend some time last night writing a Valentine's letter to a friend, but there were times when I wanted to throw it away (more on that in a later post).
Scary movies
I watched a horrible scary movie last night (Fear Dot Com). Not only was the acting bad, but the story left holes that were wide enough to make you wonder why someone makes a movie like this. I think that JJ is right in that we should move to Old Classic movies sometime in the near future, because I am dissapointed with most of the movies we watch (who would have known that St. John's Wort equals REVENGE!!! Not I!).
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
Another movie I watched last night. Talk about crappy sequels. I really enjoyed the quasi-post-apolyptic theme that the first Mad Max reveled in, but its sequel was barely watchable. What kind of screenwriter makes a major character named Master-Blaster in their film (Not I!).
Problems
I have so many problems nowadays, that I am trying to forget most of them. Is it working? Not really, but at least I try. Hopefully, I will be problem-free when I turn 21...or at least I can drink away my problems.
So that's it. Not much has happened, but I will write about some more interesting stuff later.
-luke
convenient openings
It's all about convenient openings. It happens every Sunday, and maybe more than once, but it's funny when it happens.
I had a talk with JJ the other day about prayer. It was one prayer in particular that we talked about, which was very hard for me to go through with. I know that things will probably be better by forgetting, and will I be happier by forgetting them. However, my happiness is so short-lived now, because I never look to the long-term "hopefuls" in my life. I have such a narrow scope in life, that I only see two feet in front of me, forgetting that there is a whole different view, if I just focused my eyes. That is the main reason why guys (and girls) get so down about love (or the lack thereof). We want it sooner, rather than later, and we think that it will solve so many of the problems we have. Will it?
-luke
ps - I was too tired to go on with something along the same lines as I was writing towards.
good intentions are never enough
One of the many things I have learned over the past months. No matter how much I think I can change a situation with my good intentions, or what I think are good intentions, it never works out. Of course, it may be that my "good intentions" aren't exactly good for anyone except myself.
It's been a long week, and I am glad that it's over with. My shoulders feel weak, but I'm carrying my load, one step at a time.
-luke
packing my bags
I am really tired right now, but hoping I can make it through this post. Today had its ups and downs. Fortunately it ended on a good note. Right now, I am looking forward for that little sleep I can get before tomorrow. I have to pack my bags first.
-luke
wave of sorrow
I found this poem by Langston Hughes in my English book the other day and I was drawn to it.
Island ~
Wave of Sorrow,
Do not drown me now:
I see the Island
Still ahead somehow.
I see the Island
And its sands are fair:
Wave of Sorrow,
Take me there.
Something as simple as that poem opens a wave of emotions that preys on my little soul. I have such a hard time coming to grips with reality, and that's frightening. Somedays I wish things were better for me....others I just awake to a reality that makes my eyes wander and my feet to stumble. Love can be such a hassle, especially if it never works out for you. Like the poem, I do see that Island, but I can't seem to reach it, no matter how hard I try. I'll just ride this wave for a little while and see where it takes me.
-luke
you ever get the feeling..
You know! That feeling? I was explaining to JJ about how some songs have the wheat field effect. It sounds strange, and I guess it is, because he didn't hear of it (and he laughed at me). The wheat field effect is when you listen to a really upbeat, cool song and you close your eyes and imagine yourself running through a wheat field. I know....it sounds strange, but it's fun way to waste time. (sidenote to JJ: It didn't quite turn out as funny as we had made it out to be)
Since I devoted part of my time to writing about fields of wheat and daydreaming, I might as well go into the more serious part of my post. As I said before, I was going to write about something that drew forth the very name of controversy. However, I have nixed that idea in favor of something more melancholic. I have popped in my Frou Frou cd, so you know what that means....or maybe you don't. In any matter, what I am about to say may shock you....or maybe even cause seizures, like Pokemon.
How can you change something that can't be changed? Is there a way to go back in time to reverse the effects of something that weighs on you every single day? If there was some way, I would have gone already. I know that God has every single second of my life planned out for me, but am I content? Actually, I am not. But, that is because I don't see the bigger picture for my life. I don't have the scope that God does, and it only upsets me more to be reminded of that fact day in and day out. I have never told anyone this before, but I get upset when someone trys to console me about these things. Why? Because I know they are right, but I am unwilling to listen. Being stubborn is something I hate being, because I don't go quietly when told to. I fight. I'm fighting right now. Fighting back these feelings, fighting against loss, and fighting back the realities of how my life plays the same tune, over and over. Right now, I am just fighting back sleep...
-luke
