what's buried underneath
That is the question of the day (or so it seems for me). In my earlier post today, I was regretting how bad today was going to turn out, but for the most part, everything is ok. In fact, today is more than ok, it's good. In case you readers are unsure of the day-scale, here it is:
putrid---bad---ok---fair---good---sick (just kidding JJ)---awesome---best day ever
So there it is....the day-scale. Normal, befuddled people will never be normal or befuddled again with this amazing invention.
Back to the story!
My day has gone good (see above) so far, and here are the reasons why: 1.) In my dreaded Technical Drawing class, my teacher actually complemented me on some of my work, which I was sweating about. 2.) My Spanish test came and went...it was a breeze. 3.) Haley got a beat down by my car...nuff said. 4.) I actually made it through a whole conversation on my phone without it cutting off (although it gave me several warnings). 5.) The coffee I just made doesn't actually taste like tea for once. 6.) My last one....my headache is starting to go down. It felt more like a concussion, but my mom convinced me it wasn't (darn, I hate when I'm wrong).
Okay, well I did promise all of my faithful blog-viewers a controversial topic on my post, but I really can't think of anything. That's a lie....I can, but I don't want to necessarily ruin my good day. I will try to come up with something interesting later.
-luke
a case of the mondays
I really don't have a case of the Mondays, and I have never really disliked Mondays like Garfield has, but there is something about Mondays. I guess you could say that Monday is the first day in which all the following days could either be bad days or good days. I am sure if I had a bad day today, I will be not be looking forward to tomorrow. Weird logic, huh?
Anyways, I have to go to school soon, and my first class is Technical Drawing which is a pretty hard one. I don't have access to my blizzog there, so I have to do homework (isn't that stupid?). Oh, Haley also reminded me that we have a Spanish test today, so that makes it a much better day (sarcasm galore). I wouldn't be surprised if my speech were due today as well.
I am finally getting over my splitting headache that I had yesterday. That was probably the worst I have ever had, and the 7 or so aspirin didn't help too much. Hopefully, school won't be a problem (when is it ever not a problem).
I will try to post longer today about some other controversial topic that I can come up with.
Until then, I wait.
-luke
cruel life
As another Scary Movie Saturday winds to a close, I sit at JJ's computer thinking back on this past week. Of course, most of my thoughts are on my long post that was just erased a minute back. I really hate that. Seeing as how most of you will never see the full 2 page post I put up, I will try to summarize as best as my memory serves.
Suicide. It is a topic not talked about much because of the many things that surround it. Listening to Elliot Smith not only makes you feel moody in a quasi-suicidal way, but it brings out irony. To those of you who did not know this, Elliot Smith killed himself in the worst way possible, and his music was almost like the forbearer of things to come for him. Is suicide shameful? I don't have the right to answer that question, because I have never had someone close to me die in such a way. However, I do think that on many levels, it is wrong for a person to die that way. If you think me cold, then you shouldn't read on. My reasoning for this is because you leave so much of your life.....unattended. Take for example an elderly woman I knew a few years back. Her husband killed himself after learning he had terminal cancer. Should he have left the woman he loved behind, making her responsible to clean up the messes he had left? When I say "messes", I mean more than one....think plural. She had to start a seemingly new life without the man she loved for most all of her life, and that pain was evident when I would come to visit her. She had nothing left but a dog (sorry Amy) to keep her company, and her sorrows were falling on deaf ears (dogs aren't really deaf, but they can't understand like humans can, and as for speech, one bark means "yes" and two means "feed me"....three is.....dang....can't remember). Now, I know of another person who has faced the effects of suicide, but in a different manner. This woman I knew probably never again found someone to love as much as her husband, but the person I know now is in a situation where she can love again.
I'm not going to go into specifics about who this person is, but I am sure that most know who it is. How I came to know this girl is also another story, but I do tie into this spindle in one way or another. What I can say though, is that the pain that comes along with losing someone is great. My mom and I were talking about this the other day. Death happens every time we turn around, but do we blink an eye? No, unless the death is close. What I mean by that is that we never bother to shed tears for those who die in great disasters or wars, even though it is sad that people do die. However, a death in the family or to a close friend translates into great pain and sadness. That is what these people feel when they have someone close to them die. This girl that I know, felt immense pain (and still does), but when it comes to loving again...it's hard, if not harder.
My other post (the one that was deleted) dealt with the handling of this type of situation, but I am kinda glad that it was deleted, because I often feign knowledge, and this is one situation where I couldn't fake, no matter how much I wished I could. From my limited knowledge though, there are many things that I have learned.
The first being that it doesn't matter how much you feel you can change situations, it isn't up to you (I have to learn that the hard way....every....single....time). Second, being second does nothing for your self-esteem (try not to think "egocentric" when you read that sentence). What I mean by that, is when you love, and fail (which is my next point....just wait), you begin to think that you aren't good enough, not just for that one person, but for anyone. You become a shell of what you once were. Thirdly, someone once told me, "It is better to have loved, and lost, than to have never loved at all." All I can say to that, is it may hold some truth. But once you have lost, the pain is so great that you feel like your love has been soaked up by a sponge. What follows is: regret, remorse, self-pity, and sleep deprivation (all of which are cured by coffee). Lastly, you are not alone in these battles. I have gone through it, and still am. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel some sort of pain for losing a battle that I shouldn't have fought. I don't regret the things I have done to get to where I am, but I wish the outcome were different, and I will continue to wish for quite some time.
Wishes and Dreams are not what they seem, for reality is harsher still. When we realize our daily battles with the hopes that may never come true, are lost, we fall into a pit of despair. In that despair, we learn (grudgingly) to hold on to that one reality....that we are humans. Fallen since the beginning, we hold on to God and the hope that love is a reality, not just a dream.
-luke
rapid-fire dreams
After listening to and reading jon's blog about his weird dream, I have put it upon myself to write about some of the dreams that I have had in the past few days. The bad news is that I can't remember my dreams (for the most part) and what I do remember is boring. So I guess that is my little post about rapid-fire dreams.
I would hate to leave my adoring blog fans with a little, measly piece of blogspeak, so I will write about something that bugged me to no end. I think this point has come up about 5 times a day for me, but I rarely mention it on my blog. The subject is "love" and I will pose a question for everyone who feels up to commenting. Here goes:
Do you think, that in the course of loving someone, you will be prone to hurt others, and do you you think that by hurting others, you will never be the same?
-luke
the art of *sigh*ing
I really don't know why I named the subject that, but it might have to do with the fact that I am tired and I still have homework to do. Or maybe it doesn't (mischievous smile)? In any case, I feel a whole lot better than I did earlier today. I think it was something in the air, because I wasn't the only one to catch the sickness. Of course, most people catch the sickness at least once in their lifetime (if not more), but I seem to fall prey to it every 2.7 seconds. Yeah, I am one sick person (not like that, you dirty-minded people). Anyways, talking about it on every single blog post does not help Luke become free of it. Nope, Luke has to refrain from making sad blogs....of course....those (and talking in 3rd person) seem to be the ones that I am really good at (if I may be so honest....or is it egotistical?). Don't worry, I am sure there will be sad posts once in a while, but change is good....isn't it?
*Sigh*
-luke
feeling sick
I feel sick right now. But it's not the physical sickness you usually get when you have a cold, but it's a sickness that makes me shudder at what I have become. So wrapped up in my own well-being, I have become something I am not, and it's making me sick. I want so much to be rid of it, and to move on to fields greener. My right hand is shaking while I write, but I can't seem to shake off the slough of this shell that surrounds me. Is it desperation? I can't say, but whatever it is, it's bringing me down.
-luke
cold feet, sweet dreams...nothing is as it seems
My feet are cold. I don't have cold feet in the sense of being afraid of doing something because of the consequences...my feet feel cold. I was sitting in my room earlier this afternoon, and I had a complete, mental breakdown, but I am not going to go into it. All I want to think about now is the hope for something. Sweet dreams to all, because when we wake, our world falls apart.
-luke
song of the moment: "Wordless May" - Venus Hum (a good song to close your eyes to and think about the words, playing through your head)
beside myself
I'm barely awake, even though it's 8:30. Thank goodness for coffee. I have a problem with sleeping some nights. I tend to have five or six dreams, and alll of them having no corrolation with the others. One of the many dreams I had last night was with Usher. I was showing him this cool dance move, while we were travelling to go see my Grandma in the hospital. Usher was a really nice guy, but his dance moves weren't as good as mine. I can only remember one other dream that I had, and it sort of pissed me off. Have you ever had a dream where a close friend said all the right things to make you mad? Well that is what happened, and I wasn't really happy when I woke up. I am going to be thinking about those couple of dreams all day.
-luke
empty...
...just like my blog. I realized that I had spoken too soon, and those words were something that probably didn't make you feel any different about the situation. This wall I keep putting up is not made of paper for someone to tear down as soon as it goes up, so for that reason, I need to reinforce my barrier, and move on. I'll keep wondering.
-luke
